Is anyone ready for some vulnerability? I am not going to lie — last week was tough. I felt like I was drained emotionally, mentally and physically. COVID-19 is terrible and the life changes we are dealing with during this pandemic are terrible, too. I am lonely, I miss my kids, and I just want some Mexican food and a beer with some friends inside a restaurant with lots of chatter and laughter around me.

I miss seeing people smile and I even miss hugs (and I am NOT a hugger). To make matters worse, there is a lot of judgment and anger. It is overwhelming and Iast week I felt like I was falling apart. I was sad, frustrated and feeling non-accomplished in my life.

I recently read a great article about how our current “surge capacity” is depleted. It really resonated with me. The current situation is especially hard for high achievers, which describes us in the poultry industry well. We are accustomed to solving problems and getting things done. We like having somewhat of a routine and focus. Currently, our lives have been anything but routine. I know my surge capacity is depleted and I am feeling hopeless and helpless — and I am not used to feeling either.

This weekend I decided to go for a long bike ride. No music, just me and the road. I decided on a whim to ride around the lake. I didn’t know how far it was and I didn’t really know where I was going but I wanted to feel accomplished with something. I was honestly not prepared for the steep hills or the wind that decided to start up half way through, and by that time my choice was turn back or continue the ride forward. Forward was more of an adventure so that’s what I did. Afterwards, I was thankful I had that time to think and reflect and focus on my mindset, which as described above was not in a good place.

My mindset was terrible and needed changing. I was focusing on all the things I couldn’t do and didn’t have. It was time I accepted the changes that come with this pandemic. It was time I accepted the feelings of sadness and grief. It was time I stopped being angry and judgmental. It was time I started being me again. It was time I started to live my life and be happy again. It was time I realized that all those decisions and actions come from within me. They do not come from an external source.

I may not be cruising to a warm sandy beach with friends (that was cancelled in May) or traveling to Texas to see my kids (cancelled in April), but I can change my mindset and figure out what I can do to make myself happy here and now. I can be creative with “hanging out” with my kids and friends. I can do things to feel accomplished. I can set up a dance floor in my basement and order food for take-out to celebrate my day. I can still be happy.

On my long bike ride, I passed a large tree that was leaning at about a 45 degree angle on a ridge and I could see all the exposed roots barely hanging on to the rocky terrain. I posted it on my Facebook page with the comment we are all like this tree and hanging on for dear life. The comments were amazing – thanks, friends! The roots of the tree run deeper than the eye can see. That tree has weathered the test of time and has many seasons remaining. That tree is strong and solid – just leaning a little bit. Same is true for each one of us. We are accomplished and strong individuals. We have the power within us to be happy and we have the power within us to love and laugh and be kind. Even though people may not see us smiling, they can feel us smiling and that is how we feel joy and spread joy. Thanks, friends, for allowing me to share my feelings and be vulnerable.

Sometimes we need vulnerability

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