This sing-songy adage is often derisively applied to the presentation of news on television, and everybody has a favorite example. Mine is the local TV station that headlined a report on small children injured by automated garage doors as, “The DOORS of DEATH.”

A story on tots in peril is an attention-grabber, but the story doesn’t need an adorable victim or menacing household appliance to bring the drama. One could, for example, stir up plenty of emotions by predicting the “collapse” of livestock farming by 2030, as an organization called RethinkX did in a news release distributed last month.

RethinkX bills itself as a think tank that operates out of Silicon Valley and London, focused on analyzing and forecasting “the speed and scale of technology-driven disruption and its implications across society.”

Judging by the firm’s output, it seems to specialize in shocking predictions: In 2017, it was that the U.S. automobile industry will collapse by 2030, leaving millions of cars simply abandoned, because autonomous electric vehicles will be such an efficient and attractive alternative. In September, it was that by 2030 the market for ground beef by volume will have shrunk by 70%, the steak market by 30% and the dairy market by almost 90%, and that the companies operating in the dairy and cattle industries will have disappeared, “leaving only local specialty farms in operation.”

There’s more: The cost of non-animal-based foods and products will be at least 50% and as much as 80% lower than the animal products they replace. The average U.S. family will save more than $1,200 a year in food costs, all by 2030.

Uh, yeah. Sure. Rrrrriiiiiiggghhhttttt.

Honestly, I was braced for a publicity bomb to go off in the mainstream media. Many editors these days are paid by how many people click on their stories, and the destruction of the meat and dairy industries — which are under fire from so many corners already — looked like a slam-dunk. But the clickbait headlines didn’t materialize, save for a couple of niche vegan and animal rights websites. An article on FoodNavigator.com was even-handed, quoting the Good Food Institute’s associate director of science and technology Liz Specht as saying the report’s predictions are “far from inevitable,” although not without precedent. The story also tapped the National Milk Producers Federation for their take.

The tenor of this report and its contents made me think of the kid on the playground — every playground’s got one — who’s scrawny and not particularly charming or funny, who gets attention by saying outrageous things, like “you’re the ugliest person in the class” to the totally average-looking but quiet kid, or “your dad moved out because he hates you” to the one who’s parents are going through a divorce.

It would be oh-so-satisfying to deliver this bully a swift punch in the mouth, but of course nobody’s allowed to do that: not the other kids (suspension), the teachers (fired) or classroom parents (assault charges).

Just as it would be satisfying, but ultimately useless, to lash out against the outrageous statements being made about the meat industry. It’s not just RethinkX, of course; Impossible Foods’ stated mission is to “completely replace animals from the food system by 2035.” Better to focus on continuous improvement at your company, forge alliances with other like-minded stakeholders in the space, and don’t take the bait of outrage. This path requires patience and perseverance, but the payoff is far better than “The DOORS of DEATH” report ever was.

If it bleeds, it leads

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