“I just want it to be perfect,” I told my journalism teacher as I tweaked yet another photo caption.

The deadline for my senior class yearbook was drawing VERY near and my teacher was growing concerned about selecting me as editor.

“That’s great,” he said, “but what good is perfect if no one ever sees it because you didn’t get it to print on time?!”

Don’t worry, it made it to print. The thing is, I’m a perfectionist. Always have been.

I was one of those kids who, if I messed up a drawing, would promptly crumple up the page and throw it away. For some, coloring outside the lines is an expression of creativity. For me, it was a sign I needed to start over.

Now you may be thinking there’s nothing wrong with having high standards, especially when it comes to work. Like any characteristic though, perfectionism can be overdone.

In moderation, it shows up as admirable traits like self-discipline and ambition. However, in excess, perfectionism can make you feel unworthy and lead to more serious concerns like depression and anxiety.

And it’s one thing at work, but what happens when your need for everything to be “just so” spills over to your expectation of family and friends? Well, I can tell you. It involves a whole lot of disappointment, hurt feelings and regret.

So how do you know when your quest for perfection has crossed the line? The Cleveland Clinic published “5 Signs That You Might Be a Perfectionist” earlier this year. Here is my summary:

1. You require perfection in all things. Whether it’s a work project (of course!), your Thanksgiving meal (come-on, the in-laws were there!) or a dream vacation (why go on any other kind?) it all…
Must. Be. Just. Right. And when it’s not, you feel like a failure.

2. You agonize about the smallest mistakes. In fact, feedback is devastating to receive. Not because you don’t agree with, or appreciate it, but because you hate not meeting someone’s standards. Perhaps you even endlessly replay the situation in your head, agonizing over what you should have done differently.

3. You are an “all or nothing” person. You create a vision of what success is and then anything “less than” is unacceptable. This is in part why I put off starting my own company for so long. Professional success for me had always been a big title with a well-known brand. How could I be successful as a sole proprietor at a company nobody had ever heard of?

Sometimes this shows up in a task you put off — like writing your blog … You know it’s not going to meet your expectations, so you procrastinate. Added up over numerous tasks, this mindset can be paralyzing to the point where nothing gets started or completed.

I like to think I’m a recovering perfectionist. Slowly getting better and better at finding the perspective that allows me to put things that go differently than I’d hoped in context. The same article has several great suggestions, but here are three things that help me.

First, I ask myself the ROI of continuing to tweak and change a work product. For example, what is the relative improvement I’m likely to see if I review this blog for the ninth time? There is a law of diminishing returns and once it’s to the point where something will only get maybe 5% better, it’s time to wrap it up.

Next, I try to give thanks year-round. Things go right more than they go wrong, don’t you think? But we tend to dwell on the moments where it feels like our efforts fell short.

Turkey too dry? Well, you should have made ham, but that’s what the yummy gravy is for! Try keeping track of small successes in a journal or jar to revisit when it feels like the disappointments are disproportionately adding up.

And finally, get a friend or advisor who has different strengths than you. Someone who can help you objectively evaluate whether that event was really a disaster or whether you actually failed at that project. I’m guessing it wasn’t and you didn’t.

Before you go, though, I just have to ask what you thought of the blog. Did you like it? Can you relate? Are you wondering why I didn’t just stick with the lessons from Dad?

(BTW, craving approval is another sign of perfectionism).

Practice makes passable

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