Not at all contented with how my turkey turned out the year before, each Thanksgiving I try to challenge myself to improve upon the previous year by trying something a little different. This drives my poor wife nuts! She’s pretty much given up on trying to rein in my pursuit of the most delicious way to cook a turkey, so she just lets me run wild with each year’s new experiments.

I’ve tried oil frying, cook-in-a-bag roasting, the traditional oven-roast method, and even smoking the big bird. I think my favorite method so far is to brine the bird in a thermo cooler for two days and then smoke it. It’s actually best served cold after that. It retains plenty of moisture that way, so it’s not too dry and has an exceptional taste that everyone raves about.

Over the years I’ve also tried cooking different brands and types of turkeys. I’ve cooked natural, organic, ABF and non-GMO turkeys. Perhaps my taste buds are limited, but I really can’t say there’s a discernable difference in the taste when doing a side-by-side taste test of birds cooked the same way. Is your palette refined enough to notice a difference between brands or attribute types?

The problem with cooking turkeys is that are they are ‘anatomically incorrect’ for cooking. Their oval, thick shape and varied composition pose an obvious challenge. The breast and wings, the white meat of the bird, are sensitive to overcooking and easily drying out, but the legs and thighs, the dark meat of the bird, and the deepest parts in the center still need to reach that magic minimum temp of 165°F to be completely cooked. Achieving optimal results for these varied parts would require their separation prior to cooking at two different temps with the use of two different ovens!

Other variables complicate matters even more, like the size of the bird, whether or not the bird is partly frozen or not, whether it is stuffed or not, etc. Navigating these variables has created many a cooking dilemma for many a chef, especially novices. I’m sure we all have our "tales of big-bird fails" we could share from our early days of experimentations.

It’s just a fantasy, but I’m left wondering if they make those newfangled microwave/convection-oven combo units large enough to successfully experiment our way to the perfectly cooked, foolproof 20+ pound turkey by cooking it from the inside and outside at the same time. Has anyone out there tried that experiment? Throughout human history-to-date, there has never arisen an avian culinary master who can provide everyone with an easy, foolproof way to achieve universal turkey-cooking success.

This year I’m taking what might appear to be a shortcut by bringing home commercially smoked whole-body turkeys. I’m going to see if my guests can tell that I didn’t smoke it myself. This new hack may save me many man-hours of labor in future years, if it’s successful. What hacks and shortcuts have you discovered that enhance your chances of success with big bird cooking?

Of course, your methods may be closely guarded family secrets, but consider the fact that readers of this blog are not likely to be competing with you in your taste-testing territory. If you’re willing to share with the rest of us in our noble struggle for the perfect bird, you can do so anonymously, keeping the reward of your altruism deep in your kind-hearted heart.

To all fellow Turkxperimenters and Turkophiles, Happy Thanksgiving!

In pursuit of the perfectly cooked turkey: What’s the best way to cook the big bird?

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