I was recently up at one of my Happy Places in this world. We were eating brunch at one of our favorite restaurants, another Happy Place. I usually go with the Breakfast Burrito or one of their many different Eggs Benedict choices. My favorite is their New Yorker with smoked salmon, capers and grilled tomato. But this visit they had a brand spanking new Eggs Benedict entrée.

It was the usual poached eggs, hollandaise sauce and biscuit, but instead of Canadian Bacon, it had “all natural hormone free locally pastured and cured hamsteak.”

I did ask the wait staff why this selection was worth a buck-fifty more than one with Canadian Bacon and he said it was local and not raised in another country where they used hormones to make pigs bigger. No international Canadian Bacon on this Eggs Benedict, rest assured.

I asked him if he knew where the cattle were raised that turned into New York Strip steaks, or Kansas City Ribs. Clueless.

I asked him what “hormone free” meant, and the reply was “Sir, that means there are no hormones in this ham.”

I pointed out that even neutered pigs still had hormones from their other glands, such as the pancreas, thyroid and adrenal, so none are hormone free, but I think I lost him in the details.

I circled around to simplicity instead of science, and pointed out that the use of hormones in feed, water or injections in hogs was banned in this country and the reply was “I seriously doubt that.”

I started to introduce myself and my wife said, “Shut it.” So I did what she-who-must-be-obeyed said to do.

He smiled a little too glibly and said that since the great majority of customers will buy the Eggs Benedict with hormone free ham and pay more for it, they must know a little bit about how we raise animals in those factory farms.

By the way, has anyone ever seen “free range, locally pastured” pigs advertised before?

How are we going to feed China doing it that way?

“Hormone free” ham now on the menu

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