Life has never exactly been easy for me. There have been so many times when I thought that I had reached my breaking point. But each time when things settled, I was stronger, wiser and more self-aware. But these last two years have taught me that there is no definitive threshold for what I can and can’t handle. And they have also taught me that the rest of the world is enduring relentless stress right alongside me.

So why am I writing about this here? I was about to get to that, don’t worry. In these last two years, I have gone without sleep, lost my appetite, cried, yelled, laughed until I cried, and the rollercoaster has not stopped. But so have my employees. And I know this because we talk — like really talk. We have relationships that surpass the workplace, pass mentorship, cross friendship, and land on something really special.

Does that sound unique to you? Well, I hope it doesn’t. Because what I have learned from the remarkable people around me is that being real, like really real, is what moves the needle when it comes to workplace relationships. Authentic leadership in any business gives people room to be breathe and creates an environment that feels more secure.

Let’s take this a step further.

Picture this: You are having the worst day ever. You woke up late, spilled coffee on your shirt, the dog peed on the rug, kid forgot his backpack, you forgot to fill your tank and you have a huge meeting 30 minutes after the workday begins that you now have zero time to prep for. You get to work late (obviously, what a morning!) and you sit down to try and get into the zone. Your cell phone rings and it’s your mother — so you answer to get bad news about someone in the family. When you return to your desk from the call, your manager walks up to you and sternly reprimands you for being late, unprepared and taking a personal call. How do you feel? What can you say?

I am writing about this here because in one way or another, you can make work feel safer for everyone simply by being yourself. Don’t be a robot with your team, your staff, your boss. Be honest about your stress and bandwidth. Share that things at home are out of whack to whatever extent you feel comfortable. Admit when you need help. Laugh heartily at things that are funny and applaud when someone’s kid made the varsity team.

I did myself the favor of expressing myself when things really went south and I did so with so much fear. Fear of judgment, fear of appearing weak or unprofessional, fear of gossip (please see my blog about anxiety). I shared pieces of myself that were behind a concrete wall with my boss and my team. And do you know how many bad things happened? None.

I learned so much about the humans on my team. I learned so much about the humans who are our customers. I helped people, and they helped me. We stood together on the worst days and had happy hours on the best. Walls came down, morale went up, and we will never go back to being professional robots.

If you do this, so will others. And when we do this, we build trust. We strengthen teams. We help each other out. We reduce frustration and friction between colleagues. We get more resources. We avoid burnout. We reduce turnover. We grow businesses and careers. And when unavoidable circumstances hit us or our teams, businesses, customers, we are in it together figuring it out.

Feel the burn

Join for free* to continue reading.