I’ll never understand why it surprises so many men that I have a firm handshake. Our handshake says a lot about us, right? So why in the hell would I want mine to be anything but strong and confident? Granted it’s been a while since I’ve shaken a hand (thanks, COVID), but when I finally do again, I plan on a good squeeze. Equally surprising to me is how often I am not offered a firm shake, but rather a gentle squeeze of my fingertips. I can assure you, my hands are not made of fine crystal and I am most certainly not a princess (actually couldn’t be further from one).

You see, I was raised by a single dad. He hunted, fished, built and fixed things, and drove a rusty pickup truck. We lived a few doors down from my grandfather, who made custom hunting and fishing knives, boxed in the Navy, and had his taxidermist on the list for Christmas cards. Needless to say, I spent my childhood in the woods, eating pork and beans, using power tools and gutting deer. It didn’t occur to me until much later in life that this was not the norm for young girls in New Jersey.

As I got older, my dad started to clue me in that perhaps I needed to stop wearing my brother’s hand-me-down tees and maybe brush my hair once in a while. Now for those of you that have met me, I’ve clearly grown up to embrace my femininity and balance it with what some might call a dominant (or to some, abrasive) personality. But throughout the years and across the industries in which I have worked, the handshake comments persist. And what’s worse, is that other comments and actions have persisted too, but they are meant to be gestures of kindness.

Let me start off by saying this: I appreciate chivalry and gentlemanly gestures. Opening doors, offering a seat when I’m hobbling unnaturally in heels on a train (I never really got the hang of heels, amen to those who have mastered them), and all of the signs of respect that most men give to most women. But what I find myself wondering is whether or not some of the other behaviors I experience as a woman in the meat business are helpful or hurtful.

Let me break that down a little further.

To be clear, I am not talking about the outliers. I am not talking about the times men have “accidentally” brushed a hand across my backside. I am not talking about the men who have just met me and feel the need to place their hand on my lower back. I am definitely not talking about the men who have had a few drinks at a cocktail hour and decided it’s a good idea to whisper in my ear. Those are different issues (real examples from real experiences) for a different blog. I am talking about the great men in this industry who respect women and mean well.

If I hold open a door for you, walk through it. It’s not necessary to insist that you be the one to hold the door for me. We are equals. If I offer to pick up the tab for a business meal or drink, let me. I have a company card, too. If you would usually drop a colorful cuss word into a conversation with other men, cuss in front of me. I have the mouth of a sailor and love a good joke. Were you going to sit outside and have a cigar and talk shop? Maybe I’d like to join you. I don’t need to be treated only as a “woman should;” I need to be treated as a professional should. Does that make sense?

The team I work with now is absolutely exceptional at this. I am never made to feel like “the woman” in a room full of men. I have a seat at the table when decisions are being made. I am valued for my contributions. My clients are great at this, too. They call me up and get right down to business without the niceties they wouldn’t exchange with a man. But trade shows, networking events, sales visits, etc. tend to carry a different vibe on so many occasions. And I’d like the guys out there who really "get it" to spread that kind of equality everywhere they go.

I hope that some day soon I get the chance to meet every single person who reads this blog. I hope that when I do, you’ll remember all of the opinions and perspectives I’ve shared with you. I hope that you’ll give me an honest piece of your mind about what I have written and how it affected you, good or bad. I hope that you won’t hold back in any way you wouldn’t for a male blogger. And I hope that when we are introduced, you’ll squeeze back (my hand only, please).

Girl with a grip

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