In business, we spend a lot of time and resources thinking about how to attract (and retain) new talent. As a leader, it’s exciting to bring new talent onto the team — a fresh set of eyes and new ideas to challenge status quo and push everyone to new levels of excellence. Invigorating!

In theory, welcoming new team members should be easy. But what happens when the rest of team isn’t aligned? Or what if they just haven’t had to welcome anyone new in a while? This summer, I had a personal experience that brought to light both how important onboarding and integration efforts are, but also underscored the fact they’re not necessarily intuitive.

Those of you who follow my blog know that my daughters and I are huge softball fans. Our summers have been filled with the practices, games and tournaments of my oldest girls. This summer was no different, except the girls were in new uniforms, playing with new teammates in a new community.

When we moved earlier this year, I had the daunting task of choosing a new school district for my four daughters. After much discussion and research, we chose a house in a moderately sized school district about 15 minutes from the office. As a bonus, the softball coach reached out and had an hour-long conversation with me about how excited he was to have three new players to the program. He emphasized how it was a “family,” and assured us the girls on the team would embrace their new team members.

It was a great first impression. But the experience of the next several weeks took some of the shine off that initial pep talk.

While Coach was incredibly well-intentioned, he failed to recognize that no new players had moved into the district for many years. (I cannot emphasize many enough.) Essentially, the girls softball program in the community is a closed system. While new people technically are “welcome,” we soon found discovered that there was no support system in place to help a new family feel “welcomed.”

By no means were we expecting a red carpet to be rolled out, but there was not one bit of orientation for us to the team. No basic introduction of where events happen, with whom we should connect, what social media channels to follow, etc. Any one of these things would have been incredibly helpful.

When you join a team where all the standard operating procedures and group norms are just part of “what we do,” it is incredibly frustrating (and a bit disheartening) to figure things out on your own. Imagine the embarrassment of being the only kid wearing the wrong color t-shirt in a team picture because no one mentioned that the players need to order a different color than the general public? Or the feeling of learning you were the only one absent from a post-victory celebration because no one told you about the tradition?

I am not trying to dramatize our experience these past few months. Despite the stress of navigating a new environment in this particularly abnormal summer, softball was a welcome distraction that our family enjoyed and appreciated. But the feelings of confusion and alienation that came with being the newbies was beyond anything we expected as part of this move.

Because offering tips and tricks to a group of softball moms who may not have to welcome anyone new again for several more years may be futile, I instead offer my thoughts to those of you who routinely welcome new team members and may find some value in the simplicity of my suggestions:

Say “Hi” and be friendly. Just smile when you see the new person in the hallway. A friendly greeting goes a long way.

Appoint someone to be the mentor/point of contact for the new person. That person can not only tell them the “unwritten rules” of the team, but also can be a point of contact for the “dumb questions.” Make sure the mentor truly understands the role and is willing to provide this type of support. It will make or break the experience for the team members.

If you are going to tell an inside joke, explain the context. It’s no fun when everyone’s in on the joke and laughing, and you’re sitting there feeling left out.

Be overly inclusive for a period of time. Let the new person decline invitations — don’t assume they won’t want to join.

Never assume the new person is in the communication loop. Check in about important messages and events. Chances are, they are managing other big changes in their lives and still trying to figure out the new information channels, so things may fall through the cracks.

Ultimately, Maya Angelou said it best: “I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

Make new people — in your community or on your team — feel welcome and embraced.

Welcome to the team! (No, not really.)

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